Due to the stonking success of my last assignment blog, a friend agreed to let me post my reviews on his website where, at least in theory, more people could see them and give me some useful feedback. As you can see, it's going swimmingly, but seeing as the assignment for the old blog is due to be finished soon, I've decided to make my own personal blog for my reviews and other bile-fuelled shenanigans.
As such, I've recently concluded that today's games can be classified into a very small number of groups, rather than the forever pigeon-holing genres popping up only to be inevitably regarded as "action adventure" anyway. I admit that sounds like a bit of a pessimistic rant, but trust me, my system is very simple. "Simple" also being the first word that comes to mind when presented with the word "Neanderthal", shortly followed by "sportsman".
These simple categories are as follows:
Gripping: Any game that has a good story, and will keep me amused for hours, oblivious to the fact my number of friends has been diminishing exponentially.
Ooh-ahh: A game which relies heavily on it's noticeable technical merit... alright, that means any game that looks really sweet (any modern racing game), has some awesome sound (I'll come back to you when I have a decent example) or has some other really cool effects that make you go, all together now, "ooh... ahh..." (much like the fancy physics bollocks showcased in Star Wars: Force Unleashed).
Twitch-tastic: A game riddled with really annoying issues, like pad-snappingly confusing controls, a really annoying character(s), a camera that makes you eventually fall out of your window following ridiculous leaning on your half in some futile attempt to bring super-advanced 3D effects to you TV, monitor etc. In a nutshell, these are games with some serious flaws that leave the gamer twitchy involuntarily, having being pissed right off to the point of mental breakdown. See Kingdom Under Fire: Circle of Doom.
Awesome: The rare pedigree of games that make their respective developers very proud by being good for a change. Some of these are usually let down only by uber-hype. A good example would have to be Crackdown in my eyes. Those gamers out there who disagree should just feck off and take up a sport where they can satisfy their repressed urges suffer pain for no apparent reason by being trampled into the ground by a team of very large men. It'll make everyone much happier.
And so, here we have the new home of my game reviews, and now they wont suffer the restraints of being shown to two or more FUCKING university tutors, who decide whether I pass a module or not. From this week, my reviews will no longer be available here, but instead will only appear here and here (that's not a broken link, I mean this blog, jackass). The other reason I've changed the name is that I also intend on putting up other gamer-related parodies as well as my reviews.
Something tells me that wont go to well either. Prove me wrong!
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